Have you ever wondered why people sometimes feel less appreciated than they actually
are? Or why do we sometimes have the impression that our loved ones do not share the same amount of love that we feel for them? That is because not everyone speaks the same love language and some people might not even be aware of their own.
The theory, published in 1992 by Gary Chapman in his book “The 5 Love Languages: The
Secret to Love That Lasts”- proposes that people experience love differently. What we think is an act of love may not be seen that way by other people, so Dr. Chapman identifies five categories through which we, as humans, express and receive love, including words of
affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts and physical touch.
Now why is it important to know your love language? Even if we all may relate to most of
these languages, each of us has one that speaks to us the most. Discovering our primary love language and asking the people in our lives of their own may create a better understanding of each other’s needs and support each other’s growth.
“Words of affirmation” is about expressing affection through spoken words, such as
frequent “I love you’s ”, compliments and verbal encouragement. What matters the most to
people with this love language is constantly being told kind words, as they value verbal
acknowledgements of affection above all else.
People whose love language is “quality time” long for undivided attention. It will make
them feel like a priority if you turn your phone off when hanging out with them, make eye
contact and use active listening skills to engage in the conversation.
“Acts of service” love language is for people who believe that actions speak louder than
words. Doing something to lighten their load makes them feel appreciated and cared for, as they cherish every intention of one person making their lives easier.
People with “receiving gifts” love language treasure not only the gift itself, but also the
time and effort the gift-giver put into it. They do not expect large or expensive presents, in fact they see gifts as “visual symbols of love”.
“Physical touch” is the love language of those who value the feeling of warmth and confort
that comes with physical signs of affection such as holding hands, hugging and kissing. They feel comfortable and secure when being physically close to their loved ones, as they need the intimacy of touch to feel affirmed and bonded.
Although we are usually told to treat people the way we want to be treated, when we
relate to our loved ones through our own lenses, we assume that they experience love as we do.
But when we engage in behaviours that align with their love languages, we create a space where they feel truly seen, understood and loved in a way that is meaningful to them.
To conclude, different people give and receive love differently, so instead of treating
others how we want to be treated, the five love languages encourage us to dive deeper into our relationships and fulfill each person’s needs.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
The 5 Love Languages- And How To Use Them To Strengthen Your Relationship-
What Are the Five Love Languages?-
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What Are The 5 Love Languages? Everything You Need To Know-
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