It has come to the convention that perfectionism does not exist, yet this doesn’t restrain us from striving to reach it. On one hand, it can surely be a motivator from time to time, since it fuels us to deliver top-quality work and perform at a high level. However, always striving to be perfect can be rather time-consuming and destructive for our well-being.
How do you know if you are a perfectionist?
Even though this is not a typical list of symptoms, most people who declare themselves perfectionists experience this tendency in a similar way. Here, one of the key words is: goal. Setting overly high standards and then feeling down due to an unmet goal, as well as merely focusing on achieving the said goal and wanting to skip the process, is something that most perfectionists can relate to. A second aspect is related to the vicious circle of procrastination and perfectionism. Yes, they are connected! Wanting a certain project or assignment to turn out impeccable leads to postponing it, as you are overwhelmed by all the expectations you are projecting in your mind regarding the final product. You want to avoid dealing with the associated negative thoughts and uncomfortable emotions, with the possibility of making a mistake in the process or with the prospect of the assignment not turning out the envisioned way. Certainly, there are other traits perfectionists might share, such as self-critical thoughts, the struggle to relax, to share personal feelings, being motivated by fear of failure and not only. Those mentioned above are the ones met more often.
But why am I a perfectionist?
We are certainly not born with perfectionism, we acquire it through time. Our mindset, as well as different patterns of thinking and behaving are formed during childhood and throughout teenage years. It’s only logical that the people we spent most of our time with have deeply impacted us, psychologically speaking. This is why one significant answer to the question above is: parents. But, wait, we shouldn’t jump into blaming our parents. They had their own vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and struggles while trying to raise us. It’s their first time experiencing the world too. This is why we should aim to simply understand how their behaviour influenced ours. If we grew up with overambitious parents and other highly critical adults, from teachers to other mentors, it is likely that we resorted to perfectionist tendencies in order to cope. If your family members would terrify you with worst-case scenarios of failure, would repeatedly highlight your mistakes and failures and push you to your limits, it makes sense that those aspects are now part of your personal outlook on your performances. Once again, the causes behind perfectionism are numerous, with the one developed above being one of the most frequent ones.
When is perfectionism an obstacle?
There’s nothing wrong with aiming high, trying your best or having meticulous attention to details. In certain contexts those traits are highly valuable. However, being on the constant quest for perfection is tiring. The frustrating deal about perfection is that it redirects our focus on thoughts, possibilities and expectations, distracting us from the tangible aspect: actions. We further tend to stress more and achieve less, while still not being completely satisfied with the result at the end, if it’s not flawless. It would surely come in great handy if we could just turn it off whenever it gets overwhelming, but we can’t completely control our perfectionist tendencies. Instead, we ought to be conscious of the moments when perfectionism destructively impacts our well-being. Be careful whenever the need to be perfect adds extra-time to your tasks, time that could be used for another, more important activity or assignment.
Bibliography
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Heitz D. (2017, 24 Dec). Perfectionism. healthline.
Shatz I. Perfectionism and Procrastination: How They’re Connected and What to Do About It Solving procrastination. https://solvingprocrastination.com/perfectionism/
Martin S. (2015, 8 Dec). What Causes Perfectionism? PsychCentral. https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2015/12/what-causes-perfectionism#1
(2022, 2 Jul). What causes perfectionism? The role of childhood trauma. AntiLoneliness. https://www.antiloneliness.com/self-development/what-causes-perfectionism
Swider B., Harari D., Breidenthal A.P., Bujold Steed L. (2018, 27 Dec) The Pros and Cons of Perfectionism, According to Research. Harvard Business Review https://hbr.org/2018/12/the-pros-and-cons-of-perfectionism-according-to-research
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