Suffering is an imminent part of the human condition. When we suffer, it’s mostly due to a situation that cannot be changed: a hard truth about a friend who did us wrong, a fear, the health condition of a loved one being in danger, and the examples can continue. They hurt us so deep, it’s often challenging to remain rational and connected to reality in those intense moments. It marks us, but what if it marks us in a good, constructive way?
When suffering, we frequently have the innate tendency to respond in those 3 destructive ways: putting the blame on the situation or on another person, putting the blame entirely on ourselves or not giving it importance at all and ignoring the problem, until it later comes back stronger and ultimately hits us.
We shouldn’t run from pain or suffering, but rather accept this reality and view it as a formative experience. How do we change perspectives, you may wonder? Well, there are several psychological instruments that can help us decisively turn a moment of utmost agony, distress and misery into a rebirth of the self.
Firstly, allow yourself to cry and accept your current reality. The tears of sadness are an externalisation of pain or anger, you are letting go of the toxic parts, your body purifies. If you feel the need to be alone and cry, you will do it with optimism, you’ll be able to see “the light at the end of the tunnel”. Suffering allows ourselves to consume this state, as opposed to it being the one which consumes us. You are therefore conscious of the fact that this is a gruelling period of your life, but, deep inside, you know that, subsequently, this situation will bring out the best in you, will empower and mature you. Like a phoenix which rises from its own ashes.
Second step: acknowledge your inner strength. In order to see a painful situation in a constructive light you need to fathom the importance of the said situation in your story. This mindset shift encourages our personal growth, allowing us to emerge stronger and more capable from challenging situations. We rebirth from our ashes, we have the ability to turn pain into something superior, into energy and motivation. After externalising your feelings through crying, you’ll notice how this suffering will come back to you as fuel, you will feel more powerful and capable of completing several tasks - this is a constructive and healthy outcome. And that’s when you’ll reach “the light at the end of the tunnel”.
We are constantly improving, getting more powerful and rebirthing, just like phoenixes. All thanks to those intense moments, which can have constructive long lasting effects if we view them from this perspective. “The light at the end of the tunnel” doesn’t represent our complete healing, it does not erase our wounds, but it alludes to the prospect of a stronger self.
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